Thursday, September 07, 2006


My friend Chris and I used to lament the lack of "purpose" in our jobs as we worked a couple of call centers together. I guess that's what you could say I'm really working with right now. Gina and I have been praying for something to come along for me that would allow me to use some of the knowledge that I've gained at Malone. I was personally hoping for a youth ministry position, because that's what most people go into when they get out of college, and it would help me to feel like I haven't wasted the last three years of my life.

Still, we found a great church that we totally want to participate in, so praise God. And the pastor wanted to talk to me about possibly leading a life group. It's not what I was hoping for, but it's something. At least I can participate in the teaching process. But then he was talking about how he wanted to pair me up with someone else who "maybe isn't as confident" like me, and we could teach together. I know this is a big answer to prayer, but at the same time, it really frustrates me. Do I exude incompetence, that no one is willing to trust me, even with a simple job?

But then I got to thinking about it, and maybe this is the best thing. I'll be able to participate, and perhaps one of the youth group kids will also help me lead, and that will save them from my fate of having no experience. Plus, at this church, I have Eric and his brother Scott, both of whom I respect. I can go to them for help if I ever need it, so it really is a great way to learn. I guess it's just sort of embarrassing, considering that I'm 25 and I'm not even trusted to lead a life group. On the other hand, you have to start somewhere, and despite my age, there's no getting around the fact that I have zero experience doing anything in the local church.

Maybe the Lord has put me here at this time because it has taken me this long to be humble enough to do half of a life group. And maybe I really should start out this low, and I shouldn't be trusted just yet. I don't really get it. But I'll just have to trust God that if this isn't right, at least I'll know better where to go from here once I start doing it.

I meet Eric tomorrow at Chipotle to discuss all of this stuff. Here's hoping that something good comes from this, otherwise I'll find myself to be without purpose again.


Cheezer said...

It certainly wasn't for as long, but I was searching exclusively for over a year and had NO full-time job (not even a mediocre, "until-I-find-something-else" job). I was nearly two years out of college before I got a job to put to work my degree. It is one of the hardest things to go each day and wonder, "Was it worth the degree?" I still sometimes wonder that, at least in regard to my job - most of my abilities came from working here, not from college. But, it was still worth the degree.

I had a different reaction to your pastor pairing you up with someone who "maybe isn't as confident" like you. I don't think that's an indication that you seem incompetent, but that you're just inexperienced (and even that seems going to far towards a negative connotation). Both of you haven't done this sort of thing (specifically) before, so it's helpful to have another person for each of you to work together and get your footing.

It's really difficult and humbling to be getting older but not be entrusted with more.

One last thought: "To whom much is given, much is required." Perhaps you're only being given this much because God is making sure to provide you with enough resources for school and your (paying) job. He knows how much leading a life group on your own would take - maybe that would make school too difficult and God realizes this and is sparing you. It's just a thought with nothing real to go on, but it's a thought.

Tim said...

i've had the opposite experience this semester volunteering to help teach 5th and 6th graders at a local church. i signed up to be a "teacher assistant" with the hope of just getting my feet a little wet and not having to take on full responsibility for the class because i am terrified. i should've realized when the teacher gave me the teacher's manual on the first day so i could "get familiar" with the material that things would not go as i had planned. the lady hasn't shown up since then. last week she didn't come because she "fell asleep." i was able to plan a lesson ahead of time one week and the other two weeks i've just had to wing it because she never called to let me know she wouldn't be there.

i'm sure this is all ordained by God and its been cool to see him work through all the garbage and all my insecurities and lack of talent. the experience has helped me become a little more comfortable with teaching and managing a classroom. and i think the kids are getting a little more considering that all she really does is make them do gay little crafts. after her 4th consecutive no show yesterday i officially (at least in my head) declared myself the permanent teacher and i'm debating whether or not i should lecture this lady on how she is pooping on these kids and depriving them of their right to hear the gospel. anyways i just thought it was funny how you were seeking full responsibility and i was running away from it and neither of us got what we wanted, but all in all God's will be done.