Sunday, October 15, 2006

Searching for God Knows What

I found this other Don Miller book in my bookshelf (thanks Stephanie!), and boy has it been great. I haven't finished it yet, but some of the stuff in here was really incredible. There's a chapter about Jesus and how he just loves people for who they are. In one section, he really explains the Woman at the Well in great detail, and it really made me cry. For real this time. Sobbing like a baby. And it felt good. I don't know why people shy away from using emotional language. Aren't we emotional creatures? It's scary, because if you read that passage just intellectually, you miss out on a beautiful display of God's mercy. Sometimes I just can't believe that Jesus knows how dirty I am and yet loves me anyhow. It's like that's what I've searched for my whole life. Even after knowing God, I've still tried to get this feeling from other people. I feel like I could never apologize for all the sin I just exude at every moment, so I just want someone to see all of this and love me anyway.

It's not enough for someone to commit to love me if they really don't know me for who I am. I'm thinking of Gina here. As much as we love each other, we'll never know each others deepest motives and fears and everything. It's just a limit to the human condition. I want someone to actually know all my secrets and then love me anyway. It's impossible, though. Lucky for us, Jesus specializes in the impossible. I just feel so humbled by his mercy.

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